Discoveries2020.04.24
先週日曜日、イトヘン会議のzoomミーティングに参加させてもらって、振られたとき以外は発言せずに終わって（もともとそのつもりだから、それはそれで良い）、わたしはただただ自分の状況とかを聞いてほしいだのだと自覚して、なぜか泣いた。
I guess I’m not in a difficult situation at all. I have my own house (not “my” house, accurately), relationships with family members are fine, I have a healthy body so far, and I’ve been able to keep a good amount of my work I had. But maybe because of that, I’ve felt like I had to keep myself from talking about my situation.
「解決すべきこと」も「解決方法」も要らなくて、ただただ単純に自分の状況をだらだらと話したかったのでした。お店や展示に行くことがほぼなくなって、家の人以外と雑談することがなくなったことにもようやく気づきました。普段から離れたところにいる友達と電話などもしないから、それがなくなると約束して話すしかないのですよね…
And that’s gonna be a very limited number of people and even with those people, it felt like a big deal to say, “Hey, I wanna talk”. Because when I usually talk with them, that was a scheduled, long-time-no-see kind of meeting, which takes at least half a day or so. Here, I finally realized that a casual talk on the phone or video chat can be nice. When someone asked for that last year, I didn’t feel like it because I had enough talking with people here and there, and I wanted to spend the rest of the time alone. And…I need it now (ya, I’m selfish and I know it).
とにかく、大丈夫と思えば大丈夫だけど、大丈夫じゃないと思えば大丈夫じゃない、みたいな人が結構いる（というかみんなそうか）のでしょうか。まあ、それで翌日にとりあえず声をかけられそうな数人に「雑談の約束」を取り付けたのでした。それから思い立ってお菓子を作り始めたら、その癒し効果たるや。つくる、できる、おいしい、しかも分かちあえるてすごいよねやっぱり…
There is some good news, too. The city I live in has just announced that all households don’t need to pay the base rate of the water bill for two months. Also, they’re planning to pay some aids for small companies and self-employed people, in addition to the one from the government and the prefecture. I started to check the website of my city after I heard about the news and knew that they’re working to do something for the residents.
万年財政難だとか、住みたくない市１位だとか言われたりしてますが、こういうことを知るとうれしいし、安心しますね。折に触れて思うけど、市にしろ県にしろ国にしろ、外から人を呼ぶためのものをつくって推すんじゃなくて、住んでる人が幸せで安心できる場所にすることを目指してほしいです。地味でいいから。わたしもそのために何かできることがあれば、してみたいなと思うし。地味なことでね。派手なお祭りとかイベントはいいので。
About my daily streaming service routine, now I’m juggling “Community”, “Suits” and “This Is Us”. “Community” is really easy to watch, my favorite kind of comedy-drama, but my only concern is that the only Asian character in it is described as a not-cool, crazy, lonely man-child… And, although I talked with one of my friends from the US that “This Is Us” is too dramatic or cheesy, I admit I cried watching it.