What a lazy person like me can do2019.03.17

When I see Instagram posts of people around me or just see people doing and truly enjoying something, I feel how I’m lazy, how I’m not making an effort.

I don’t have any motivation to make something or perform something in front of people, maybe because studying languages has been something I’ve done by myself and enjoyed by myself. Maybe that’s why I’m attracted to people who create amazing works and show them and move people’s heart, and I started to offer my skill to help those people.
Sometimes when some students suggest or invite me to do something together (ex. performing something as ESS or do role-playing conversation practice), my first mental reaction is “Oh..kay..”. I feel so bad about that and have been thinking about that.

But that doesn’t mean I have to try harder to be “creative” in that way… I guess. There have to be different things I can show or do, in a way I feel confident.

I don’t know if I’m being too stubborn to prevent myself to be a successful or better person, but I want to believe that we don’t have to do something we don’t feel like doing. Sometimes I don’t like people talking about the beauty of trying hard. Yeah, you can achieve something if you try hard. Of course. But it might lead you to somewhere you didn’t truly want to go.

Hmm. It feels like I’m talking negative things, but it’s okay. It is said that after Spring Equinox Day (wow, it sounds too unfamiliar in English), this stagnant or entangled air will clear up, so until then, this, is important.