What a lazy person like me can do2019.03.17

When I see Instagram posts of people around me or just see people doing and truly enjoying something, I feel how I’m lazy, how I’m not making an effort.

I don’t have any motivation to make something or perform something in front of people, maybe because studying languages has been something I’ve done by myself and enjoyed by myself. Maybe that’s why I’m attracted to people who create amazing works and show them and move people’s heart, and I started to offer my skill to help those people.
Sometimes when some students suggest or invite me to do something together (ex. performing something as ESS or do role-playing conversation practice), my first mental reaction is “Oh..kay..”. I feel so bad about that and have been thinking about that.

But that doesn’t mean I have to try harder to be “creative” in that way… I guess. There have to be different things I can show or do, in a way I feel confident.

I don’t know if I’m being too stubborn to prevent myself to be a successful or better person, but I want to believe that we don’t have to do something we don’t feel like doing. Sometimes I don’t like people talking about the beauty of trying hard. Yeah, you can achieve something if you try hard. Of course. But it might lead you to somewhere you didn’t truly want to go.

Hmm. It feels like I’m talking negative things, but it’s okay. It is said that after Spring Equinox Day (wow, it sounds too unfamiliar in English), this stagnant or entangled air will clear up, so until then, this, is important.


Let’s just try that2019.03.16

I have to admit that I’m at home more than before.
Luckily, English lesson work for good friends take me out somewhere outside, and I feel like it’s a good balance. Sometimes I feel that I have to do something (meaningful),  but regardless whether it is meaningful or not, it’s okay to do what I feel like doing – I’m trying to think like that.

There was a rather big box in a corridor in my house, and I had assumed it was my father’s, but when I opened it not being able to wait for him to get rid of it, I found tons of papers from my university.  I was kind of amazed how hard I’d studied (compared to now). And somehow it reassured me that it’s okay to do what I want to or can do even if I feel like things are stagnant or I’ve missed many things going around me.

Let’s just try that and see where it’s going. Things happen when it’s meant to happen.

Just for practicing writing2019.03.12

My dad asked me not to write about my family, but as I didn’t think I could promise that, so I didn’t say yes. Now I have a good reason to write something in English. Not only for that, I simply need to output my English.

I have never “studied abroad” or lived outside of Japan for more than 3 months and I can understand a good amount of English spoken in radio, movies or dramas, and can speak English to some extent. It feels like my listening/speaking skills got better since I started watching TV dramas constantly, but it’s true that I’ve studied English for more than 20 years, and that includes all those school years, so I can’t deny the importance of studying grammars or reading or writing.

In that sense, it is challenging for me to introduce grammar or guide them to get closer to English without making them feel like they’re “studying”. After all, I think it depends on how much I can motivate them or make them get interested in English. As I wrote before, simply showing my love for learning languages might help the most, and I need to remember it more often as I tend to see and follow what they want to do.

Well, this text sounds like nothing but some meaningless things. I hope I write more good stuff next time!

Random Notes in March2019.03.09