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PINE TREE TRANSLATION

Diary

 

What a lazy person like me can do2019.03.17

When I see Instagram posts of people around me or just see people doing and truly enjoying something, I feel how I’m lazy, how I’m not making an effort.

I don’t have any motivation to make something or perform something in front of people, maybe because studying languages has been something I’ve done by myself and enjoyed by myself. Maybe that’s why I’m attracted to people who create amazing works and show them and move people’s heart, and I started to offer my skill to help those people.
Sometimes when some students suggest or invite me to do something together (ex. performing something as ESS or do role-playing conversation practice), my first mental reaction is “Oh..kay..”. I feel so bad about that and have been thinking about that.

But that doesn’t mean I have to try harder to be “creative” in that way… I guess. There have to be different things I can show or do, in a way I feel confident.

I don’t know if I’m being too stubborn to prevent myself to be a successful or better person, but I want to believe that we don’t have to do something we don’t feel like doing. Sometimes I don’t like people talking about the beauty of trying hard. Yeah, you can achieve something if you try hard. Of course. But it might lead you to somewhere you didn’t truly want to go.

Hmm. It feels like I’m talking negative things, but it’s okay. It is said that after Spring Equinox Day (wow, it sounds too unfamiliar in English), this stagnant or entangled air will clear up, so until then, this, is important.

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Let’s just try that2019.03.16

I have to admit that I’m at home more than before.
Luckily, English lesson work for good friends take me out somewhere outside, and I feel like it’s a good balance. Sometimes I feel that I have to do something (meaningful),  but regardless whether it is meaningful or not, it’s okay to do what I feel like doing – I’m trying to think like that.

There was a rather big box in a corridor in my house, and I had assumed it was my father’s, but when I opened it not being able to wait for him to get rid of it, I found tons of papers from my university.  I was kind of amazed how hard I’d studied (compared to now). And somehow it reassured me that it’s okay to do what I want to or can do even if I feel like things are stagnant or I’ve missed many things going around me.

Let’s just try that and see where it’s going. Things happen when it’s meant to happen.

Just for practicing writing2019.03.12

My dad asked me not to write about my family, but as I didn’t think I could promise that, so I didn’t say yes. Now I have a good reason to write something in English. Not only for that, I simply need to output my English.

I have never “studied abroad” or lived outside of Japan for more than 3 months and I can understand a good amount of English spoken in radio, movies or dramas, and can speak English to some extent. It feels like my listening/speaking skills got better since I started watching TV dramas constantly, but it’s true that I’ve studied English for more than 20 years, and that includes all those school years, so I can’t deny the importance of studying grammars or reading or writing.

In that sense, it is challenging for me to introduce grammar or guide them to get closer to English without making them feel like they’re “studying”. After all, I think it depends on how much I can motivate them or make them get interested in English. As I wrote before, simply showing my love for learning languages might help the most, and I need to remember it more often as I tend to see and follow what they want to do.

Well, this text sounds like nothing but some meaningless things. I hope I write more good stuff next time!

Random Notes in March2019.03.09

3月に入って、少しずつ動きが出てきました。
体の方は急に毒出しというか、今まで軽かった花粉症の重篤化(まだ認めたくない)と数年ぶりの偏頭痛(本当に何もできなくなるので辛い)のダブルパンチで参ったけど。

一つはact。
次の展示に向けて、何ができるか。
全員がそれぞれの得意なことを活かしながら、おもしろい世界が作れるような気がしています。actでやるからこそ、自分の何かを殺して「嫌なこと」をせずにできると言えたらいいな。

翻訳で一つ大きな自信というか、続けていいよ、と言われたようなこと。
詩人のウチダゴウさんが、私と訳した詩をスコットランドで(しかも大学院の授業で)読んで、とてもいい時間になったと話が聞けて、ほんとうに安堵しました。もちろんゴウさんの詩の力、朗読の力、Willのチェックのおかげもあるので、私の英訳が負うのはその一部なんだけど、訳したものが(しかも詩)ちゃんと届いたというのは、これ以上ない誉れ。約2年前、思い切って22篇の詩の訳を投げてくれたことに感謝です。一つ拠りどころはできたけど、それでも「こっちの方がいいんじゃない?」とより良い表現を出される可能性はあるだろうな、とも思う。甘んじず、追い求めていく力をいただきました。

前に書いた『「!」と思ったこと』とは何であったか…記憶が遠い。
近藤聡乃さんと柴田元幸さんが二人とも「外国語と想像力」についての話をしていて、思ったんだよ。。私たちは「キャッチした情報」と「想像」と、両方あって「理解」していて、それがESSや翻訳、ひいては私が表現したいことに通じている気がしたような。

ESSも、どうするのが一番いいのかずっと模索。
「ルール」や「勉強の仕方」も要素ではあるけど、それぞれに違う興味を次に繋げること、おもしろさを感じてもらえることが続ける動機になるのかな。私の「外国語を学ぶこと」に対する愛を見せることか、と、これもゴウさんとの会話から。「正解」「決まり」があるのがよかったり悪かったり。「勉強」のイメージとの闘い。